one more morgan

4 Months

2009-08-03T13:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Hawksley,

Dear Hawksley,
I have a terrible confession to make. Tomorrow you are turning EIGHT MONTHS OLD! Lucky for you, I take a lot of photos and I have an excellent memory. I apologize to you for letting these important letters slip, but I'm so busy enjoying your little personality that I generally don't want to stop and write about it. Poor excuse, I know.

So. Four months. What happened? Well, not pooping, that's for sure. You went on strike. You, my dear, became an absolutely fabulous non-pooping baby. If I can special-order all of my future children to have your digestive tract, I may just do that! You would often go 2-3 weeks between (so in the span of this monthly letter, it's possible that you only went once or twice!). Now, granted, when you DID go it was quite the event... but I still love it. The doctor said you were fine, and you're as content as always, so I don't worry about you.

You have a new love... your jolly jumper! I'm so happy that you enjoy it. It only took a couple of days for you to go from uncertainty to all-out bouncing. You also got to enjoy Mommy's extravagant purchase this month... our new double stroller! You didn't want to fall asleep in it at first, because you're so used to sleeping on your tummy, but you got used to it quickly. When you're awake during walks, you're quiet as a mouse and you just happily take in your surroundings (and abuse from your stroller-mate).

This month you also attended your very first wedding. Hawksley, you are a saint. I can't even tell you how amazing you are and how easy you make my life. First of all, you looked like a total rockstar in your vest, tie, jeans and beanie. Second of all, I sent Aven home after dinner but you stayed with me and even slept soundly on me during the loud music and dancing. You are the definition of portable.

Your new favourite toy is a soft black bunny given to us by our close friends. You love to hold and stroke the ears, especially when falling asleep in your carseat. Everything about you is so gentle and sweet, and my love for you just keeps growing as the days pass by.

Love,
Mommy

3 months

2009-08-03T12:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Hawksley,
What a naughty mommy you have... two late letters in a row! I will do my best to remember what happened and things you did in this time.

You continue to be an amazing traveller and companion to me. Whenever we have time alone, I never have to worry that you will be fussy, difficult, or an inconvenience to me! This month I took you to 3 baby/wedding showers and you were an absolute angel at all of them. We also took many shopping trips and you were happy or sleeping almost all of the time. I'm so grateful for your good nature!

Your sister has become more accustomed to your presence and now I even trust her to hold you (for short periods of time... with me VERY close by!). You look at her with awe and wonder, and I can't wait to see how much you admire and look up to her as you both grow older.

Whenever we go out and new people meet you, the things they always comment on are your bright, blue eyes, and your gorgeous lips. Sometimes they will note your dark hair, or your fabulous mullet...

You are starting to grab things and put toys to your mouth. You also continue to love your soother or fingers/thumb to suck on. You're still having a lot of issues with spitting up after every feeding, and our trips to the chiropracter don't seem to be helping. I'm really hoping you will just grow out of it!

You are a beautiful baby boy, inside and out. You amaze me with your patience and contentedness, and I hope I can learn these skills better from you!

Love,
Mommy

2 Months

2009-05-25T06:18:00.000-07:00

Dear Hawksley,
I'm finding it hard to put into words just what a completely sweet and lovely baby you are. You only cry when you need to spit up, when you're tired and want to be put to bed, or when you're a bit lonely for me or daddy. and once we've met these needs for you, you immediately calm down and give us happy smiles. you are totally content to spend your waking time sitting quietly in our arms or in your swing looking at your mobile. usually after about an hour of being awake, you're more than happy to return to dreamland!

You're still sleeping in bed with me, and I love every minute of it. When we're going to go to bed, I feed you and you're still awake after, then i lay you down beside me and turn out the lamp. you snuggle close to me and i put my arm in front of you to help hold your soother in... you take your tiny little arms and wrap them around my wrist and make little happy noises as you drift off to sleep. it melts my heart.

you started smiling at around 5-6 weeks and we just adore your smiles. you smile with your whole face.. your eyes light up and twinkle, and you open your mouth into a big happy O. it's one of the first things you do every time you wake up and see us.

I've realized why having two children makes me feel more relaxed and capable. With one baby, it's like putting all your treasure in one hiding spot... that's a stressful arrangement. You're not supposed to put all your eggs into one basket. When you came along I could breathe a sigh of relief because now my love is spread out to more than one place. It's like there's less chance of something being taken from my heart.

This month has been so quick again, and I know it's just going to keep happening. But i want you to know that i'm savouring every moment with you, when i can, and that you are ubelievably special to me.

Love,
Mommy

1 Month

2009-04-20T09:21:00.000-07:00

I know.. it's been quite awhie since I put anything here on this blog. Facebook makes it much easier to give updates and share photos! But I want to give our new addition, Hawksley James Morgan, the same monthly letters that I wrote for Aven.

Dear Hawksley,

Today you shocked me by turning one month old. I was waiting so long and so anxiously for you to arrive that once you were here I kind of stopped realizing the passing of days. Your sister does keep me very busy, and you are so mellow that sometimes I forget you're there! Okay, not really, but you are very sweet and easy to please most of the time. And, you sleep a LOT.

I know there is still so much of your personality to come, and I can't wait to meet the real you. For now, the most notable thing about you is that you are grunty. GRUNTY GRUNTY GRUNTY! I came thisclose to moving you out of my bed to your own bed/room because, child, you just won't let me sleep sometimes. It's getting a little better, but you are stil one heck of a noisy little baby. You're not hungry... you're tired and want to (should) sleep... but you just lay there and grunt. ENOUGH!

I want to make sure that I don't always compare you to Aven, and to note your ways only in relation to hers. However, I will say this one thing: THANK YOU for being more relaxed, easygoing, and calm compared to her. From day one she was constantly weaving her hands around like a stress case, and unable to sleep for long periods of time. You already show me that you're not in a hurry to get places and see people and stay awake all the time. I love this about you. I needed you to be this.

From the moment you were born, there was familiarity about you. I can't pinpoint why I feel it, but it seems like I've always known you. I love that sometimes all you need is for me to hold your hand and it calms you down. I have a strong inclination that you are going to be my boy... that our personalities will somehow be alike, or similar. I surprise myself by thinking that, instead of assuming that my girl will be more like me. But she has already proven in many ways to be her dad's girl. Time will tell, for both of you, but you'll grow up to learn that I'm always right :)

I was worried that having two kids was going to make me more stressed, more worried, more afraid to get out of the house and do things. Strangely, you have brought me peace. I feel more relaxed with you, and it even carries over to how I feel about your sister. Maybe it's that I'm outnumbered now and I have to admit I can only do so much. But all the things that used to seem impossible or difficult with one child now seem possible with two. How does that make ANY sense?

Welcome to our family, little one. I love what you have added to who we are.
Love,
Mommy

2008-11-24T12:30:00.001-08:00

Though I never got to see your face, know that I think of you and wish we could have met today....

I didn't see you planting your roots so deep
until today
I didn't hear your footsteps walking away
until today
in the dark corners where no one goes, you are
exposed; revealed; renewed in time.

I mourn the canvas where your face should be
But your hello and goodbye dyed my life a deeper shade of grateful
for the things we say farewell to
for sisterhood's droplets of strength
and for fresh buds that will blossom in the spring.

"Mother's Day"

2008-11-13T19:50:00.000-08:00

My first two official Mother's Days weren't great, I'll be honest. Although there was a certain special novelty to finally being able to celebrate this milestone in my life, my first was spent shut in a spare room with a screaming 1-month-old who woke up and demanded to be fed at the exact moment dinner was being served. She proceeded to take 40 minutes to nurse, then had a massive, change-all-clothing poop incident. By the time I got out of there, dessert was almost over. My second Mother's Day was literally spent enduring a painful reminder that there are no guarantees in motherhood; our bodies and emotions are always fully exposed, vulnerable to what life will bring and take away. Sometimes irony irks me.

So I've decided that MY true Mother's Day is the day when, several months ago, my firstborn decided to make the word "Mommy" part of her vocabulary. She started saying "Dada" and then "Daddy" quite early in her life, probably before she even hit 6 months of age. She began to use the M sound once in awhile, but not very directly to me. Sometimes she would babble "mamamamamama" when she was crying. Hmph.

Then, on a date I can't remember and couldn't care less about, she finally took this step as a toddler and announced to me my role in her life. "Mommy," she said (though it sounded like Mammy, which is even cuter). "Mommymommymommymommy". MOMMY. Knowing my child as I do, I suspect that she chose to wait even though she'd long had the ability to speak this word. She didn't want to go through phases of awkwardly or incorrectly saying Mama before adapting it and perfecting it to Mommy; she didn't want to say it until she grasped its full meaning and gave it to me as a precious gift. It blew me away.

Every night when I put her to bed, I sit with her in the near-dark while she drinks her bottle. She finishes and hands the bottle off, and snuggles in close to me in a prolonged stillness that is rare throughout the rest of her day. "Say mommy," I always whisper. She pauses. "Mmmmmmammy," she'll whisper back with a little smile.

I know a time will come when hearing "Mommy" shouted/whined/cried repeatedly at me is going to get old and irritating. For now, hearing that searching voice calling for me when I'm upstairs, or asking me for more snack, or recognizing me across the room after an absence.... it's the best gift she could ever give me and I still cherish it every single time.

Thank you, Aven, for giving me my REAL Mother's Day.

The Vocabulary Update

2008-07-31T15:41:00.000-07:00

Aven's Current Words (and how she pronounces them).

baby (bee bee!)
daddy
doggy
kitty (giddy or key-ee)
ducky
bottle (baw-uhl)
book (buk)
ball
bunny (buddy or bubby)
papa
this (iss or dis)
hi
bye bye
hello (hi-oh)
uh-oh
belly (beh-hee or beddy)
crocs (gocs)
all gone/all done (all-doh/all-goh), usually accompanied by a shrug with palms turned up... justin taught her this one and it's adorable!

she does say other words and sounds but these are the ones she always uses in context and will respond to (like if i ask her where her ducky or ball is, she'll look for it and go get it)

One Year

2008-06-04T18:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Aven,
You are 14 months old. I've been putting off writing your 12-month letter because I'm very busy with work and our new house, but also because it nearly hurts my heart to have to stop and think about you being a year older than that tiny bundle that arrived in my arms yesterday. Only it wasn't yesterday anymore.

The day you were born, my world stopped moving. And I couldn't grasp onto the world around me that kept on going. When that first April turned into May, I wanted to question my sanity.... how did three weeks go by without me knowing? I was so wrapped up in you that I lost a sense of time. And as every month passed, the feeling of a loss of something grew deeper and heavier. It's not a bad thing; it's just unexplainable and surreal. To see something be born into existence burns an eternal marker onto us; anything before that date is "normal", and everything after it is spent in awe of that first day, because one day you weren't there and then suddenly you were. Birth is something that I don't know if the human mind is capable of fully accepting.

Now, as I go back to work two days a week and enter 2007 billing dates into a computer, my mind constantly jumps back to those hours, days, and months of our first year and what we might have been doing together. July? Probably out for a walk with the stroller, to get the mail and hope you fell asleep. December? Bundling you up in your snowsuit and making mad dashes to shovel the path while you napped (for half an hour, of course). So many memories, my little love. My heart can't contain them. How will I keep hold of them AND add on all the new ones as time keeps racing past?

For your birthday we "gave" you a very special gift that i'm so sorry isn't coming anymore. We don't know why some things happen, but we want you to know and understand that God always takes care of us, and plans for us, and loves us no matter what. We also have a new sense of how unbelievably blessed we are to have you in our lives. You were so wanted, and you bring us ridiculous amounts of joy every single day. The light you bring into our home makes us want 25 of you (maybe... if you napped better). You are strong-willed and clever, so we know we have to be ten steps ahead of you at all times, but the depth and intensity of your personality makes you an undeniable presence that we cannot imagine living without. We are blatantly addicted to you. We feed off of your accomplishments and idiosyncrasies, trying to log each and every one of them into our emotional ledger, so that we can store them up and refer back to them later when we need to feel that precious heart-squeeze that only comes from seeing your firstborn grow up.

Love you forever,
Mommy

11 Months

2008-02-19T20:11:00.001-08:00

Dear Aven,

Your 11th month brought so many new things into our lives! One of the fan favourites is "kick like a dolphin" ; before bathtime, we get you all stripped down naked, then hold you up high and say "kick like a dophin!" until you start flapping your rigid little body like scissors opening and closing! Muma and Papa wait for it every night before bed.

You also have learned how to clap... on demand! I'll say "where's your clap clap clap?" and you smile at me and throw your hands together... sometimes you miss, but that's even cuter. Another fine motor skill that you FINALLY learned is how to put your own soother in your mouth! AVEN! Why did it take this long! It makes my life much easier. A really cute part of it too is that if you stick it in upside down, you do a little twirl trick with it to right it.

You have a new favourite food: avodcado! When I first put some little pieces on your tray, you weren't too sure. But once you tasted it, you just couldn't get enough of that slimy green stuff. Lots of good fats in there, so eat up!

One day Muma and I took you to the Purple Turtle, a baby and kids store in Exeter. When we walked in with you, you looked around at all the stuff, wide-eyed, and exclaimed "ho-LEE! ho-LEE!" We both had quite the laugh over that one!

I'm excited to tell you that our new home is almost ready to move into. I can't wait for you to grow up there, Aven. I can't wait to lay on the grass with you on our lawn, and take walks down our country road. I love thinking about all the things we'll do and how I'll get to see you turn from a baby, into a toddler, and into a kid while we live there. It's scary to think about! But I know we will make strong and beautiful memories there.

Love,
Mommy

10 Months (photos delayed due to moving)

2008-02-19T08:33:00.000-08:00

Dear Aven,

This month has brought some big changes for us, and I need to stop and thank you for being such a flexible and accommodating baby. We packed up and moved out of our house, then moved into Uncle Tyler and Auntie's apartment for 2 weeks, then moved to Muma and Poppa's, where we still are! At the apartment I couldn't believe how well you slept ... they live on the intersection of two highways and the trucks and snowlpows going by sounded like jets taking off! You did struggle a little bit with me leaving the room after putting you in bed, mostly because the floors were very creaky and it woke you up and made you realize I was leaving. I had to become an expert floor-creak-locater, otherwise I would remain, trapped, in the room where you were sleeping! At Muma and Poppa's house you have been sleeping better than you have in your entire life. It's crazy, because you're in a playpen, in the same room as me. And yet you sleep from 7:30 to 6:30 straight? With only a slight peep now and then? I'm baffled. Especially because a yappy dog lives here.

Muma has a fox that lives on top of her cupboards, and you love him. We'll say "where is your fox? Wave to your fox!" and you'll scan all the vases until you see him, then you'll break into a huge smile and wave to him! You now have an adorable variation to the wave... we call it the "no, no, no!". It's when you combine the pointing with the waving into a cute little finger-wag scold.. and now that we've said "no, no, no!" every time you do it, you know to make the gesture of it when we say no! Stop being so cute. It's really not fair to any of us.

Although you're cute, you also have a wee temper. The other day I was feeding you some carrots on a little plastic baby fork, and you took the fork right out of my hand and fed yourself (this is amazing, by the way, but not the point of my story). Since then you've continued to do this little trick, but when I go to take the fork back and put more food on it, you get VERY. POSSESSIVE. OF. THE. FORK. You hold it with an iron grip, make a menacing whine noise, give me a threatening look and WIELD THAT FORK AT ME. The other day when you did it in front of Daddy, he looked at me in shock and said "I'm a little scared!" Oh, my little monkey. You are so much personality in a tiny little package.

You have also started responding to a game that Daddy and his brothers all played when they were little. We say "how big is Aven?" in romanian (I have no idea how to spell it, but it sounds like "COO-tay de MAR-dia!" and you throw your hands up into the air and smile. The first few times we did it you had no idea what was going on... but it didn't take long for you to catch on. HOWEVER... you are usually selective about wanting to respond when we ask.. even though I KNOW you know what I'm asking! I can literally see the request register in your brain and your eyes twinkle and you smirk a little bit. And then do nothing. On the other hand, sometimes out of nowhere you'll throw your hands up and give me a wide-eyed, expectant look so that I'll say it!

This month you also taught yourself how to play hide-and seek... you were in the bathroom with me and you grabbed hold of the shower curtain and pulled it between you and I... then pulled it away and laughed! I said "where's Aven?" and you did it again! Funny that I never taught you this, but you found it hilarious.

Your love affair with the Small Hole has not only continued, but it has escalated. Nevermind the first 8 pages in Pat the Bunny, Mom. Just get to the good part... where Paul puts his finger through Mummy's ring. That's the best one of all! You love to play with Muma's steel colander because it has hundreds of tiny holes... you sit there and caress them like old friends. And now that we're giving you a bath at Muma's house, where there are jets in the tub, you're just in heaven. A bath... that's fun on its own. A bath surrounded by small holes? JACKPOT.

As we get closer and closer to your first birthday, the more I want to hold you tightly and not let it happen. I have tasted the bittersweetness that I've heard so many parents marvel at constantly. How does this happen? How can my little newborn become this child? One day she didn't know what I was saying.. the next day she knows a phrase and follows it like a command! There's something about the speed at which children grow that rips across the surface of a parent's strength and security, and exposes a very raw vulnerability. Emotion like this isn't necessarily a bad thing... in fact, it causes us to appreciate our blessings and try to live each day more fully.. but it still leaves us open to so much heartache and mourning.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Love,
Mommy

9 Months (photos will be delayed due to moving)

2008-01-31T17:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Aven,
Yet again I'm writing this letter late, but so much is going on in our lives and I can't wait for you to see our new house! Hopefully we can move in two weeks from now.

This past month was an exponential explosion of new things you started to do. First, you became a waveaholic. Not only do you like to wave at every person, thing, clock, face and tractor, but you often get BOTH hands going, just to make it really clear that you're saying hi or bye. You can click your tongue back at us when we make that sound. You also became much more snuggly with us, and you'll lean in close and rest your head on our necks or shoulders, sometimes only briefly, but it's an incredible feeling. You're pointing with your index finger, and along with that is your new best friend... the Small Hole. I've never seen such a funny fixation... you are OBSESSED with the Small Hole. And they are everywhere... on the backs of remotes and toys (to hids screws), on your bath seat, on my face in the form of a nostril, in the middle of cheerios that you now love to pick up and eat, on the top of your juice bottle, so that you get cross-eyed looking at and touching it while you drink. You just cannot keep that little pointer finger away from small holes... I swear it's like a magnetic force.

You love to pick up little pieces of food now and eat them. When you first started this skill, it was incredibly funny to watch you grasp it and aim for your mouth, but drop it on the way and then look around, bewildered, when you couldn't find it anywhere. But it only took a few days and many cheerios for you to master your new talent.

We celebrated your very first Christmas and it was so much fun to spoil you and try to show you all the exciting and special things about this holiday. I know that next year you'll be able to understand it more and anticipate it, but there's still something meaningful about your first one. I took you to see Santa at the mall, and you were picture-perfect on his knee!

This month I did something drastic to the way I look... I went from having dark brown hair to very light blonde hair, and I was kind of worried that you would be scared or not know me. You absolutely made my day when I came home from the salon, and the first thing you did was reach out and touch my hair and SMILE! It's like you knew, and you were encouraging me that you liked it. You're the best.

Your vocabulary is coming along. You now regularly say mama, dada, baba, nana and sometimes lala. And I SWEAR you said a form of "kitty"... it sounded more like "key-ey", but you were looking at and reaching for one of the cats when you said it, so I'm convinced. Let's get that application to Harvard started, pronto.

Some days I just can't stop squeezing you and plastering your cheeks with kisses. You have the finest set of cheeks I've ever tasted and smelled. I never ever want to forget how delicious they are, even when you're fifteen and covered with pimples. I'll buy you some oxy. Yes, I love you THAT much.

Love,
Mommy
P.S. This month you also learned how to roll a ball back and forth with me on the floor! It's so much fun to sit and play that with you. The first day you learned it, I would ask "are you proud?" everytime you rolled it to me... and every time you would shake your head no!

8 Months

2007-12-27T18:21:00.000-08:00

Dear Aven,
I'm sorry this letter is so late (almost time for your 9-month letter!). Things have been busy around here and we're all going to be moving soon. More about that later!

This month we took a BIG weekend trip! Your daddy used to play in a band, and we wanted to spend time with all the people he used to play with. We took a 5-hour drive and stayed two nights with Brad and Erin in Huntsville. You were so much fun all weekend, and Erin even said afterwards that she kept forgetting there was even a baby in the house! Thank you for always being so entertaining, accomodating, and just plain cute. You're easy to show off.

This month your sleeping took a major turn... for the better! One night, during your usual half-an-hour-into-sleep wake-up, I went to you as I always do, to help you get back to sleep. After a minute or two, you were still crying but I HAD TO go to the bathroom... there really was no choice! So, feeling terrible, I left you crying in your crib and left you. I was SHOCKED when, only two minutes later, you stopped crying and were sound asleep. And then you slept. And Slept. And SLEPT!!! From then on you have had amazing night sleep, sometimes going 8 to 10 hours before joining me in bed! I'm so happy for you, for me, for us. Even when you have setbacks (a cold, teething, travelling), it's still wonderful to know that it is possible, and that you CAN do it. It's been a long road, tiny. I think that's what makes it feel even sweeter.

Another huge milestone this month is that we let you be put to bed by someone other than me for the first time. Daddy and I had to go to my work party, and since you just suddenly stopped wanting to be nursed right before bed, I figured you were ready. Muma came over to go through your bedtime routine with you, and we left. I was pretty worried about you, but I was confident that you were ready. And you were! My dear little girl, you were an angel for Muma. I'm so proud of you... and proud of me for not calling even once to check in!

Daddy went away for a week this month and you and I got a little stir-crazy. We were both sick with colds, and it snowstormed for a few days. I love you ... always will... but that week with you was really hard! Sometimes we just need other places and other people to break the monotony and help us not get bored or exhausted. I was mean to daddy and sent him this photo while he was gone though:

Grandma came to visit us, and brought you lots of fun things! You got a sled as an early Christmas present, and some toys and books and a crib skirt that she made for you, to match your room. She was very sad to say goodbye at the end of the trip ... she especially loves how you rotate your wrists.

There is already SO MUCH that I have to write about for your next month, so I'll end this one here!

Love,
Mommy

Stand by me

2007-11-21T19:10:00.000-08:00

7 months

2007-11-06T21:19:00.000-08:00

Dear Aven,
My little shaggy-haired girl! I love the way it's starting to grow forward , and also how it slips out over your ears sometimes. It's really beginning to have a mind of its own, especially after you've worn a hat! Now when I look back at your older photos, you look funny and bald-ish.

This month you started drinking from a sippy cup! You like to hold the handles, and you like to drink from it... however, you refuse to do both at the same time! It's very fun to watch you sucking from a spout like a little hamster, though. You also tried some rice rusks called "mum-mums" and you like to scrape away on them with those two little bottom teeth. Usually I hold it for you, but one time i gave you the whole thing and you held it in your hands and put it to your mouth like it was a flute! When you bite a little piece off, you generally know how to gum it into mush and swallow, but sometimes a little piece will stick to your lip and you get very concerned with the little foreign object invading your personal space.

Some babies, I have heard, don't like getting shirts put on over their heads. You've never minded. But HEAVEN FORBID I make you put your arms into a sleeve... or TWO! You have declared jihad on the sleeves. WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT?

Today is technically 2 days past your 7-month mark, but I just have to include these milestones because i'm so excited about them! Yesterday when you were babbling, you started saying "da! da! da!" over and over and now you just can't stop! We're not sure if you really are assigning that sound to your daddy, but who cares... it's adorable and we're telling everyone that you can say "dada". One thing we are sure of, is that today you started waving. WAVING. I was getting things ready to put you to bed, and you were sitting with Daddy in your room. As I walked past your door, I saw him waving at you ... you held out your hand to mirror his and did a PERFECT side-to-side wave! And you have kept doing it all night... so we know it wasn't just a fluke. I have to admit, my stomach got all squirrely and I almost cried when you did it. There was something different about this, as compared to the other new things you've done. It was so responsive, so mature... I can't even describe it, really.

Your nights are improving, but it doesn't necessarily matter because I've come to a point where I don't ever want to be negative about spending extra time with you. It's not always easy to think that way, but sometimes even just rubbing your soft little head against my nose and mouth in the dark of night gives me a warmth that is untouchable. It's so tempting to be frustrated, when you've woken for the 4th time in 2 hours, or you just seem to be cranky for no reason. But I have heard more than one parent of older children say how much they wished they could go back ... they long for those nights nestled in close with their babies instead of waiting up for mr. teenager who broke curfew again. It goes too fast, everyone knows that. And my gut reaction is to roll my eyes and think "well, you aren't the one dealing with the night wakings and crying, so you don't understand!" But they do. One thing you need to know about me is that I like to figure things out for myself; I don't like to be told what to do, and when I receive advice I usually like to make it clear that I've already looked into the issue and I'm well-informed. That I know better. On this one though, I'm taking their word for it. When you wake up, come into bed with me, little one ... we always have such great sleeps together.

Love,
Mommy

6 months

2007-10-03T20:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Aven,
HALF A YEAR! I'm so baffled about where the time went. I feel like summer just started, and that we still have july evening walks to take, and august camping trips to have. But fall is here now, and I have to accept that nothing will ever be still again, least of all you. You're almost sitting up on your own now, you can do straight-arm push-ups, and I won't be surprised if you're crawling by the time I write my 7-month letter.

This past month, like the five before it, is full of firsts. The biggest one is sitting right in the middle of your bottom jaw--and it already has a next-door neighbour! Your first tooth came in on September 24th, and the second appeared within two weeks. Your first didn't seem to bother you much; your second turned you into a little bear. Some days, during your normal happy times, you would just chomp on your fingers and scream in pain ... I felt so terrible for you, my little chonch.
But the day it finally cut through, you were happier than ever, shrieking with happiness and smiling at everyone.

You have also begun to notice that you have two black, furry "siblings" ... you turn your head when you hear the cats, and watch them curiously. Last week, you actually started reaching your hands out to them to feel the strange fluffy surface, and you gave Rooney's ears a little rub. They still aren't sure what to think of you, but they'll adjust.

When you were newborn, you hated your bath. Then, you loved it. Now, you've gone through a hating phase again. I think it has something to do with being reclined; you keep grimacing and trying to do sit-ups if I lay you back. So for now, until you can sit up on your own, we're in kind of an awkward transition phase where I have to support you in the bath, and you splash a bit but aren't thrilled. We'll get through it! The last time you had a bath in the kitchen, I let you play with the mini-sprayer on the sink and you tried to grab the little streams of water... you seemed very confused when you couldn't get a hold of them!

Speaking of holding, you have a very cute new sleeping ritual. Since you are no longer swaddled, I needed to give your busy hands something to hold onto. Enter Dolly. Dolly is a little yellow-and-white striped cloth doll that was handed down from my family. When you lay down in your crib to go to sleep, you roll towards Dolly and hold her tight, stroking and squeezing her. Then you usually reach a hand up to find where my hand is, and lightly touch it and inspect it with your fingertips as you drift off. It's a very precious habit!

You've also graduated to a new carseat, one that will carry you right until you're done with a booster. Although this carseat isn't a carrier like your old one, you fall asleep in it much easier. So, I've had to become a pro at gingerly plucking you out of the seat without waking you!

Your short naps are still in effect, but your nights are generally wonderful! You can now go 8-10 hours before your first feeding (although you always still wake up a few times in the first couple hours, just wanting my company and not being able to get back to sleep on your own). I'm so very glad that you decided to drop the 1/2 am feeding! I was falling asleep in the rocking chair more often than not...

We've come so far, but we still have so far to go, little pumpkin.

Love, Mommy

Saber-tooth

2007-09-27T08:24:00.000-07:00

Someone has a tooth! You get three guesses as to who it is...

Chicken and Chonch (at the beach)

2007-09-24T19:59:00.000-07:00

Chicken and Chonch (at the beach)

2007-09-24T19:47:00.000-07:00

5 months

2007-09-10T20:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Aven,

You have so much you want to say, my little girl. You just don't have a way to express it yet! I wish I could just hand you a vocabulary and let you run amok with it, but I have to be patient and let you get there in your own time. One of your new favourite things to do is reach out your little palms like microphones and touch my mouth while i'm talking. It's as if you're a blind person touching a face to see what someone looks like, and I can see it in your eyes that you're learning (so I take advantage of that and repeat "mommy" over and over so that you memorize the sounds!).

You continue to surprise us all the time. About 3 months ago I abandoned using the stroller as a means to get you to take a nap, because you would just get overstimulated and cry, and now we only take walks when you're awake and want to look around. You've even graduated to the smaller "big girl" umbrella stroller. Two nights ago, Daddy and I took you out for a walk after dinner to entertain you until bedtime. Imagine our astonishment when we looked down at you and saw this:

A big development this month is that you started eating rice cereal and some vegetables off a spoon! You knew what to do right away, and you seem to really enjoy having goop shovelled into your smacking lips. One night I left you with Daddy and he was feeding you your evening meal. He said he turned away for a second, and when he looked at you again you had a santa-beard of cereal on your face and were crying! The image is just too cute.

In August we took you on your very first camping trip! It was supposed to be two nights, but we ended up coming home after one night because it was cold and rainy. I think you liked your time there even though it was cut short (you have always loved being outside) and it was fun to be able to bundle you up in multiple layers, hoodies, hats and blankets. I think when we take you next year, you will really be able to understand and enjoy what we're doing there.

Aven, sometimes I still can't believe you're mine. When you wake up and smile at me and reach your warm hands up to me and wave them around, before getting distracted by your own feet, you melt me every time. I'm so glad you came to stay.

Love,
Mommy

Roly Poly

2007-08-27T17:28:00.000-07:00

This is about a week and a half late, but I've gotten so used to just putting everything on Facebook that I sometimes forget to keep this blog updated :)
On August 17th Aven rolled over for the first time! She was on her tummy on the floor, and I was walking around her room talking on the phone, putting some laundry away. She must have felt left out, because the next time I looked down, she was staring up at me! The look of shock on her face was priceless, and it immediately turned into a smile. I feel bad for the person I was talking to (Christine) because I interrupted her story to shout "OH MY GOSH, AVEN JUST ROLLED OVER!"

She doesn't do it everytime I put her on her tummy, but she has done it a few times since, so I know it's not just a fluke. So crazy ... before I know it she'll be crawling and then there's definitely no looking back.

4 Months

2007-08-09T14:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Aven,
You have become my little friend. You've gone from someone I had to cradle to someone I can hug and squeeze and tickle and laugh with. Yes, laugh ... yesterday was your first real laugh, a little "hee hee!" when I was kissing your tummy on the change table. I can't describe to you how it made me feel. All I know is I can't wait to know you more!

Last week we went shopping together in Stratford, just the two of us. I was a little worried about the trip, since our ride home together from Huntsville was something I don't even want to talk about because it was so difficult. But you were an angel, and I think you actually enjoyed yourself! I tried on dresses while you watched me in the mirror and smiled. You took in all the sights and sounds of the mall with delight. I think you especially enjoyed Claire's; so many things to look at!

It's not very often that I have "bad" mommy days anymore. Although you are still a ridiculous cat-napper, that has come to be a predictable part of my day, something I can rely on and work with.

We went to a wedding last weekend and no one could believe you were only 4 months old. First, because you're so big (long) for your age, and second, because you were incredibly well-behaved. I like how you fool people into thinking that you're naturally an easy-going, calm baby, and that I must have it so easy. If only they knew your true self, the one I've cleverly hidden behind a solid routine!

This month you've discovered your feet, and boy are they exciting. Is that a toy? WHO CARES! FEET! I CAN HOLD THEM!

Your latest development is the motorboat noise, and it's one of the best so far. You stick out your tongue and try to talk, and all that comes out is a spray of bubbly spit and a hilarious noise.

When I pick you up after a nap and you cling to my neck with all your strength (often tearing out most of the hairs at the nape of my neck), I am floored by how amazing it is to have someone need you as much as you need me. I can't wait until you're old enough that a hug and kiss from me makes all the badness go away.

Love,
Mommy

Jumper

2007-07-30T17:41:00.000-07:00

New video of Aven trying out the jolly jumper! Click here

Sorry!

2007-07-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I've posted anything, although there are new photos up on Flickr if you want to see Aven growing! She's getting nice and chubby.

We had a busy couple of weeks with her dedication, grandparents visiting, and then Tyler and Anita's wedding. Aven did so well at both events! She definitely got cranky and thrown off-routine later in the day, but I'm so proud of her perfect behaviour when it really counted. She got pretty overstimulated at the wedding reception and we had to leave before it was over, but she made it until 10:30! Pretty good for 3.5 months old.

Earlier this week we went to visit Cat and her new baby Sophia at a camp near Huntsville. Aven was doing great until we hit a huge traffic jam in Barrie. She screamed quite a bit, and I don't blame her! During our overnight visit, she was really content ... she even went to bed fine ( I think it's because I tried to recreate our home bedtime routine). The ride home, however, was pretty awful. She couldn't fall asleep and became so upset that she was inconsolable, even when I stopped repeatedly to calm her. I eventually had to just let her scream and cry herself to sleep, which was heartbreaking. But if I hadn't done it, who knows how long it would have taken me to get home (it took over 5 hours anyways).

So we're taking some time now just to relax and enjoy our daily routine! I can't believe she's almost 4 months old. Almost time to write the next letter!

3 Months

2007-07-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Aven,
Are you sure you aren't 15 years old? Because sometimes I can't believe you're just a little baby. In this past month you have astounded us with the things you do and the strength of your will.

Let's start with the page-turning, shall we? Really, Aven....you are three months old. There is no need to turn the pages when I'm reading to you. COME ON! Stay a baby at least for a little longer? You have also started grabbing and holding toys, putting them in your mouth, and "talking" more than ever. One of your favourite times of the day is when we strip you down to put your pyjamas on. You flail your little naked body around on the change table and whack your feet down like a pony. You pull your knees up, I tap the bottoms of your feet, and you do a full leg extension. Over and over again. You know it's a game and you can't get enough of it!
Lately I wonder what happened to the sleepy infant who used to fall asleep in the carseat or in the stroller. She is nowhere to be found! Now I have little miss hyper-alert world-conquerer in my buggy, and NO SHE WILL NOT GO TO SLEEP! HOW DARE YOU! Everyone we meet comments on how alert and awake you are, and they don't know the half of it. Ever heard of a nap, dear? What's that? You only take catnaps? Ah, yes. I've noticed.

Something I hated about this month is that we started putting you to sleep in your own bed, in your own room at night. It needed to happen, though, and I like having some time to myself now after you go to bed. The first night I did this, at about 10 weeks, you were an angel. I, however, was a wreck. I barely slept all night, thinking every little murmur on the monitor was you freaking out. But you slept wonderfully, have never looked back, and you actually sleep in longer blocks of time now. I must confess though that almost every night I wake up thinking I'm holding you, and when I feel a lump of empty sheets, I have a moment of panic, thinking I've lost you or hurt you. It's an awful feeling. But it reminds me of the amazing couple of months that we shared a bed, and how much I will always cherish that special connection. Your father said there was nothing in the world like coming into the room and seeing us asleep together.

This month you've started watching Baby Einstein's "Meet the Orchestra", and you're hooked. You sit staring in fascination, moving your hands around in the air and making noises at the tv. You also poop every time the tuba plays. I'm pretty sure it isn't a coincidence.

Love,
Mommy

Big Girl

2007-06-28T19:03:00.000-07:00

2007-06-25T14:30:00.000-07:00

Hanging with dad ... her hairline in photos always makes me laugh because it looks
like a painted-on Ken doll's hair!

Watching Canadian Idol and unimpressed

I love these pyjamas ... there are cassettes on the pants...

...and old-school headphones on the shirt!

Father's Day

2007-06-25T14:07:00.000-07:00

Faces

2007-06-13T16:55:00.000-07:00

She's all bundled up because we were at an evening campfire
and it was windy

2 Months Photo

2007-06-09T16:18:00.000-07:00

Photos of Aven

2007-06-09T08:24:00.001-07:00

For anyone who is interested, all the digital photos we have taken and will continue to take (literally hundreds!) are on an online album you can access here

You can order prints (15 cents per 4x6, same as walmart) and kodak will send them directly to you!

I just put in my first order.... it's a biggy :)

2 Months

2007-06-08T12:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Aven,
Hello Personality. Nice to meet you! In the past four weeks you have shown us that you are not just the passive, content little slug we thought we knew. You have lungs; you have strength in your arms and legs; you have bodily fluids; and you know how to use them all.

You know what you want, and you want it when you want it. Which is generally NOW. NOW. NOW. When you first started being a little more demanding, I was not prepared for the change. I didn't know what was wrong, and I didn't know why you didn't just "fall asleep" when you were tired. But I have learned, and after a couple weeks of wondering why you were the crankiest baby ever, I know you and your ways. I tried to put you on a routine at 5 weeks, but you were having none of it. Then, thankfully, at 7 weeks, you welcomed it and we are both much happier. You eat until you decide you're full, then you have "happy time", the most wonderful minutes of my day. You smile, you talk to us and watch our faces, you try to laugh (but it sounds more like a gasp). You are content to be left somewhere to look at toys or objects. Happy time ends when you're tired, and you let us know by saying "wah" or "nah" a couple of times in a peeved way, or turning your head away from whatever you're looking at. At this time, we give you a soother and let you start to wind down. If we miss these signals you've given us, you punish us with the saddest, most pitiful wails and bottom lips. I try not to miss the signals.

Nap time has been our biggest challenge, and on your new routine nap time always follows happy time. Even if you only sleep for ten minutes, I want you to learn that we have a rhythm so you know what to expect next in our day and so that I know what's wrong when you cry. It's amazing how much easier it is to read you when we have a routine. For the record, bicycling your legs and trying to climb me like a ladder = gas, needing to burp, spit up or poop.

You do not like going to sleep. You're afraid you're going to miss something. I discovered a few weeks ago that you refuse to shut your eyes because all you want to do is look around, but then you get overtired and it's even harder to get you to sleep. So I have a few tricks to get you to shut them:
1. pull a hat down over your eyes
2. carry you and cover my shoulder (and your face) with a blanket
3. gently stroke the bridge of your nose and between your eyes.. it almost always makes you sleepy
4. go into a dark room and rock you

Once your eyes are closed, we've conquered the biggest hurdle (although we're still not home free.. is that a mixed metaphor?). So. Where to sleep? The swing? My arms? Your crib? The couch? Swaddled or not? Nothing seems to always work for you, except me rocking you, on your side, with your soother. Once you "seem" to be asleep in my arms, I face the major dilemma: do I risk putting you down somewhere, only to have you wake in 2 minutes? Or do I continue to hold you, knowing that you will probably sleep for a good half hour (though in that half hour, there is very little I can accomplish!). If you have ejected the soother from your mouth without waking or crying (or panting or flailing), it's a pretty deep sleep. The cutest thing you do at this point is suck on something imaginary. I love watching your little lips form around nothing and work away at it like it's the hottest day of the year and you have a big old Freezie.

You have yet to learn how to keep the soother in your mouth all the time, especially when you get squirmy-tired, and paw away at your face, knocking the soother out. It's during these times that I actually wish I had one of those plastic cones they put on dogs so that they don't chew their stitches.

Even though we're still working out the bugs in our day, there's nothing I love more than waking up with you and waiting for you to focus your sleepy eyes on my face. When you finally see me, you give me a huge smile centered between the two softest ice-cream scoops of cheeks. In this moment, you are brand new every morning. It doesn't matter how much you cried the day before, or how much you were up in the night, or that you spit stinky-cheese puke on my sheets for the third day in a row. This is when it's all worth it.

Growing

2007-06-06T08:20:00.000-07:00

We went away the weekend of May 26 and Aven was really cranky and wanted to eat
all the time. When we got back, we woke up in the morning and I swear she was 6 inches longer! She outgrew
a bunch of her clothes very suddenly. Now she's wearing some 3-month stuff, but only for length ... she's very long
but still not chubby.

Video

2007-06-05T13:38:00.000-07:00

To see a little video of Aven smiling, click here

Unfortunately there is no sound and the picture quality isn't great. Sorry! I'm working on it.

Too funny not to take a picture

2007-05-24T19:28:00.000-07:00

Our curious litle baby often won't go to sleep because she wants to look around.
This is how I remedy that problem.

Does that make me a bad mother?

Photo Shoot

2007-05-24T17:50:00.000-07:00

It was a beautiful day today. Aven and I went outside for awhile and I took over TWO HUNDRED photos! A small selection has been posted to my Flickr account (link to the right). Enjoy!

Smiles

2007-05-20T13:19:00.000-07:00

These photos aren't the clearest, but they do show Aven's newest talent ... smiling at us!

The Bath

2007-05-17T11:43:00.000-07:00

2007-05-13T12:36:00.000-07:00

Loving her Babylegs ... still a bit big though!

One Month Old
(I'll hopefully be taking her photo with the same bear every month)

First dress

Oh the propping up you can do with a cloth diaper!

One Month

2007-05-11T09:26:00.000-07:00

I am definitely not the first mommy to write monthly letters to her child, and I'm sure I won't be the last. But I've been so inspired by reading others' letters (especially Dooce) that I wanted to be able to do something special like that for Aven, and for my own memories. So, here is number one.

Dear Aven,
You are one month old. It sounds so simple, but these past four weeks (okay, five... I'm a little late with this letter) were anything but simple! You've already got so much of a personality, and every day you change and grow. I get sad seeing you get bigger and heavier and more alert, because then you're not the little tiny lump you were the day you were born, but when you do new things and become more and more of a person it makes me so proud of you. I've compiled a list of my favourite things about you:

The little bottom pouty lip you stick out when you're upset; the way you go quite cross-eyed when you're focusing on something close to you; the fact that you're a "princess pooper" ... you save most of them for when the diaper is already off and/or a new one is almost on so that you'll be fresh; the way you strain as if pushing the Titanic through your nostril; how much you love your hands and are constantly doing imaginary sign language with them; how you shift your eyes around suspiciously when you start eating; how you pass out like a drunkard when you're done; the way you burp like a trucker; how you regularly feel around to find me with your little fingers when you sleep beside me; the look of contented confusion on your face when you take a bath; the way your head smells like Christmas morning; your tiny, ineffectual sneezes; your ability to sleep through the yappiest dog barking; the way you breathe really fast when you're about to freak out; the dramatic, shocked "oh!" face you make when we kiss you on the mouth; the way you stretch "with your whole soul" as your Muma says; the way you are actually snoring right now as you sleep beside me on the bed; the fact that your nickname is Choncho, because that is just ten kinds of ridiculous; the way we put you into the car and you have the most totally serious, pissed-off face, yet you're quiet and enjoy the ride and generally fall asleep; the way you sometimes softly say "Wah" as if it were a word, not a crying sound.

There are so many more, but I have to cut myself off before I bore you. Just know that you are loved and adored by your father and I, and we can't wait to see who you become. In the words of Cristina Yang on Grey's Anatomy (a brilliant tv show which you will learn an appreciation for), "You're my person."

Love,
Mommy

2007-05-08T14:40:00.000-07:00

Meeting Gramma

2007-05-08T14:36:00.000-07:00

Turban girl

Just another pile of laundry

Tiny toes

Concerned

2007-05-08T14:27:00.000-07:00

Tummy time

WAH!

MLAH!

Heh?

Hotsling, diaper change, and out cold!

2007-04-30T15:39:00.000-07:00

(sometimes she looks cross-eyed... she's NOT!)

2007-04-30T15:34:00.000-07:00

one of my new favourite things to do

meeting auntie jocey!

Sleepy girl

2007-04-24T10:04:00.000-07:00

2007-04-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

She Smiles!

2007-04-23T14:12:00.000-07:00

Frozen yogurt and baby at the beach

2007-04-21T18:00:00.000-07:00

2007-04-21T17:58:00.000-07:00

In the bouncy chair

First time out with the stroller

Life with Aven

2007-04-19T12:36:00.000-07:00

It's day 11 here, and I thought maybe I should write a little something rather than just posting photos! It is hard to find some free time during the days, but Aven is a really content baby and she does allow me to get things done sometimes :)

Where do I start? The days since her birth have literally flown by and they all kind of run together in my head! Thus, this post may be a little choppy.

Feeding is going really well. In fact, my girl is a bit of a piggy! She's already up to nine pounds, which is great considering she lost a full pound of her birth weight. She just loves to eat, and it's pretty much all she wants to do when she's awake. She gets the hiccups quite a bit, even when she's had good burps, but she isn't bothered by them and she sits and looks around, waiting for them to pass. Since she is a good eater, you can imagine that she is also a world-class pooper!

She's beautiful when she sleeps, but I love when she is wide awake and just looking. Her face seems so complete when her eyes are open! But she is also a good sleeper ... she sleeps for a couple hours after most daytime feedings, and about three hours between each nighttime feeding. Luckily I am very good at instantly falling back asleep, so the nights have been okay! we usually go to bed at 11pm and she and I sleep in mornings till about 9 or 10.

As for my own health/sanity, I think I'm doing well. I'm getting enough rest and making sure I don't do too much (although I do have a bit of a laundry addiction... just try to stop me!). She hasn't had any inconsolable-crying-episodes yet, so that definitely helps. I had one night where I had a good long cry (no real reason! Just overcome with all kinds of emotions) and that felt good after.

It sounds so cliche, and every parent says the same thing, but it's so true about the insane amount of love you feel for your baby. Sometimes I look down at her and just feel sick (not bad sick) with how overwhelming it is to have her. She's so helpless, and she needs us so much. When you stop and think about it, it can really hit you hard! When she's sleeping in another room, I miss her. She already has so much personality and sometimes I swear she's messing with us and chuckling on the inside.

Aven loves her hands and always has them up by her face or moves them around (did I mention where her hand was when she was born? YEAH.). She also loves any kind of motion (being rocked, car rides, stroller rides). She hates most diaper changes, baths, and having to wait more than a minute between waking up and being fed (here, piggy, piggy)! For some reason her nickname is Choncho, or the Little Choncho (it's from the movie Nacho Libre... and we're not sure why we started calling her that, but it has stuck!).

I'll try to keep updating as the days go by .. for right now we're just taking things a day at a time and going with the flow!

Mini-Me?

2007-04-18T13:09:00.000-07:00

Here are two photos of me when I was a baby. I think Aven shows some strong similarities! What do you think?

Frowny Face

2007-04-18T13:06:00.000-07:00

She's VERY serious !

Meeting New People

2007-04-18T13:03:00.000-07:00

2007-04-14T18:58:00.000-07:00

2007-04-14T18:51:00.000-07:00

2007-04-11T13:43:00.000-07:00

2007-04-11T13:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday and Today

2007-04-10T10:10:00.000-07:00

Correction!

2007-04-10T10:01:00.000-07:00

The midwife came over yesterday to check on things, and when we weighed Aven we realized that the midwife's assistant must have read the scale wrong yesterday! We think it was probably 8 pounds, THIRTEEN ounces (that's a big difference!). Her weight has already changed so it's hard to know for sure, but today she's a little less than that and it makes sense that they just didn't see the one in front of the three. BIG BABY!

Meet Aven Lily Morgan!

2007-04-09T09:18:00.000-07:00

Moments after her birth

Meeting

Both very tired!

First night

Day two... less puffy!

Aven was born at home (don't worry ... on purpose!) at exactly 12:00 on Sunday, April 8, her due date! She weighed 8 pounds, 3 ounces, and came into the world fists first (which leads us to believe she's going to be a drama queen). She took her time coming; my first contractions were at 5:30 a.m. on Saturday the 7th, and lasted all day but didn't progress too much until about 10 or 11 p.m. My midwife came to our house at 1 a.m. and eleven long hours later she was born! It was hard work, and I won't say it didn't hurt, but every minute was worth it and she is everything we could hope for! Justin was truly a perfect partner/supporter through labour and birth, and he's a natural with Aven.

Aven (rhymes with raven) is a name that we thought of the first year we were married. It's a variation of the name Ava (but of course, we always try to be unique!), and Lily is my maternal grandmother's first name.

Thank you to everyone for your prayers and phone calls and best wishes! We look forward to introducing you to our daughter in the days to come.

Oh and, the winner of the guessing game/pool appears to be Amber Tompkins! I just have to double check what her length at birth was :)

39 weeks ... yes, I am STILL pregnant!

2007-04-03T14:44:00.000-07:00

38 weeks

2007-03-28T20:24:00.000-07:00

Too much to say ... so instead I will say nothing!

I am a Ticking Time Bomb

2007-03-21T09:11:00.000-07:00

Time is running out to place your bets on the baby's arrival date and time, sex, weight and length! Just click the yellow "expectnet" box in the top right corner and it will link you.

There aren't any real prizes... maybe just the title of Almighty Smarty Pants?

37 weeks

2007-03-17T14:34:00.000-07:00

Just call me Magpie

2007-03-14T15:19:00.000-07:00

I've put some photos of the almost-ready baby's room up on my flickr site (click link at the right). There will probably be a few more soon as I put on the finishing touches.

As I approach 37 weeks, I am getting more and more uncomfortable! Rolling over in bed is quite the task, and today I had the first taste of what it means to have "cankles". The baby has started to drop, which is really good, but it also means more pressure for my pelvis (and bladder!). I'm excited to hit the 37 week mark because then there's no chance of having a premature baby! (37 weeks and 1 day would be A-okay with me though!)

I've also discovered that I seem to have developed temporary carpal tunnel ... my hands go numb when I sleep and they constantly feel stiff, sore, and swollen. But apparently it's quite common in late pregnancy, so I'm just going to have to deal with it!

And finally, it seems I have developed a weird craving after all! It may surprise you ... it's ICE. Yes, crunchy small pieces of ice that you get in your fountain pop. You may have heard about a condition (most often in pregnancy) called "pica", which means "magpie". Magpies will eat just about anything, and women with this condition can crave anything from DIRT and SOAP to ASHES and CHALK (basically anything non-food)! Ice is one of the things listed on there (thankfully one of the least harmful), so I guess I have a mild form of it. It's strange though ... lately my toothpaste, foamy facial cleanser, and minty lip balm seem especially yummy to me when I use them. Don't worry, though, I don't have any plans to drink my soap!

36 weeks

2007-03-10T07:54:00.000-08:00

I look so unimpressed here in my sweats :) (note: Tiger Brand sweatshirt dress from the outlet store = amazing as a maternity shirt)

This is what happens when you try to block a flash; it looks like I'm holding a piece of nuclear waste.

The standard no-head, side-belly-shots have been added to the slide show.

35 weeks

2007-03-05T19:55:00.000-08:00

This would all be much easier if my silly back wasn't so curved!

Yes, I do have a head.

2007-02-26T19:51:00.000-08:00

I've been getting some requests for photos that show more than just my belly. I usually take photos of myself, so rather than set up the timer and walk away to try make a dorky pose look somewhat human, I tend to hold ithe camera at arm's length (and all I can capture is the belly!). But since you're not getting the "whole picture", here are some full-body shots to keep you entertained.

So my cats are a little possessive ... "My belly! My bum! Don't touch!" (And yes, I am as uncomfortable as I look)

I think I have bad posture.

My face looks more pregnant than my belly here!

Completely sticking it out.

This last one should show you how different shirts can make my belly look totally different sizes!

There's a haul in my hall!

2007-02-25T08:47:00.000-08:00

For a few more photos of my baby shower, click the Flickr link on the right column.

33 weeks

2007-02-21T08:19:00.000-08:00

What's that you ask? Am I smuggling a basketball? Why yes, I am indeed!

32 weeks

2007-02-12T18:20:00.000-08:00

Okay, so... can I stop growing now? This size is about as big as I'd like to be! (Too bad that I have about 8 weeks to go and supposedly the baby will DOUBLE in size by then!)

Assembly!

2007-02-12T18:11:00.000-08:00

Again, Rerun is interested in making sure the new products meet his rigorous standards.
I just threw some random blankets/pillows in to make it look pretty for a photo... this is not the actual bedding we'll be using (pillows in cribs are bad!)
Thanks for the crib and mattress Mom and Dad! They were much needed :)

31 weeks (belated)

2007-02-08T14:48:00.000-08:00

Lately it feels as though my ribs are being driven apart by a very small, very intent person! Ow!

30 weeks

2007-01-31T20:11:00.000-08:00

Curious

2007-01-27T20:00:00.000-08:00

Rerun is very interested in product testing.

29 weeks

2007-01-22T18:44:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling more movement than ever ... and it's become much more apparant that someone is running out of room! I can feel very pronounced limbs digging into me at any given time. The good news is that the baby is almost head-down already. There is still lots of time for this to happen... but it's unlikely that there will be a flip back up to the breech position!

28 Weeks! Officially in Third Trimester

2007-01-15T15:36:00.000-08:00

Thought for the week: it would be nice if the nesting urge came earlier on in the pregnancy; say, before it became impossible to bend down.

Please pardon the death stare in this last photo... not sure what was going on there!

27 weeks

2007-01-07T18:05:00.000-08:00

Not getting any smaller!

Babymoon

2007-01-03T16:50:00.000-08:00

Now, I am not usually one to follow trends. And babymoons? Well, they are pretty trendy right now. However, in my defense, all trends aside, taking a little trip to pamper yourself before having a baby is definitely a treat. One that you should take advantage of if at all possible.

My office was closed between Christmas and New Years, and Justin and I had originally thought of driving to New York City to visit his family and see the city (I've never been). Unfortunately, during several Christmas shopping adventures to London, I realized that I'm no longer capable of walking around for a whole day without wanting to anesthetize my lower back, legs and feet. Also, the thought of a 10+ hour drive did not seem appealing. What did I really want? To be PAMPERED. And where can I be pampered? A SPA.

We decided (well... I decided... and Justin agreed) to head to Niagara-on-the-Lake to relax at the Prince of Wales Hotel and Spa for a couple days. The things I was most excited about were the indoor saltwater pool, the massages we booked, and the promise of Nintendo in the rooms. I didn't plan any outings or day trips, because I wanted us just to be lazy and not feel guilty about it.

We arrived Friday night, took a few moments to marvel at the lobby, the room, and the general overwhelmingness of the place, then walked down the street to have a late dinner at a little English pub called the Angel Inn. We were told it's the oldest operating inn in Canada, and that it is rumoured to be haunted. I definitely didn't see any ghosts, but the fish and chips were good!

When I went to try out the Nintendo in our room, I was pretty upset to discover that it wasn't Nintendo at all; it was these cheesy play-along-with-your-remote games like blackjack and tic tac toe! False advertising! (Note to Prince of Wales Hotel: "Nintendo" has not become a generic term like scotch tape, kleenex or jello have. Try "video games"). So instead we went for a swim in the glorious pool and hot tub (for Justin). It's true what they say ... swimming during pregnancy feels wonderful. I didn't realize just how nice it is to be weightless until I came out of the water and felt like I had put on a suit made of iron! After swimming, we ordered up a nice movie in our room, The Illusionist. Predictable, but good. Then, a fantastic sleep ... one of the best I've had since before I was pregnant.

Saturday morning started way too early with breakfast buffet at the hotel (for me, bacon and eggs, french toast, mango, berries, and pineapple .... for Justin, eggs benedict, eggs benedict and eggs benedict). We had to get up early because our massages were at nine and we had to eat first.

The massages were amazing ... we had a shared room, which was nice, and mine was a "pregnancy massage", which basically just means they give you these special cushions so you can lay on your stomach. It felt weird because I haven't done that in so long! But it was very comfortable. Justin was thisclose to snoring near the end of the hour! On to our pedicures ... also very relaxing, although I didn't get to use the vibrating feature on my chair because I'm pregnant. Ah well. We both have beautiful toes now.

I went for another swim before lunch, then we drove around trying to find somewhere to eat (the hotel restaurant is way too fancy ... we only had breakfast there because it was included with the room). We ended up at Alfredo's, a cute little pizza/panzerotti place. Justin's stromboli was the size of my head.

After lunch we both felt naps calling, and we slept for two solid hours. It was exactly what I wanted this trip to be like! We woke up and made plans to meet our friends, Bruce and Laura, in St. Catharines for dinner. They took us to a very fun Italian place called Lena Linguine's, and we pigged out on giant plates of pasta. Afterwards, we snuck them into our hotel and took them for a late night swim!

Saturday night was another fantastic sleep, and we woke up sad that we had to leave. One more amazing breakfast and then it was time to say goodbye.

We had such a good time just being away from everyday life and allowing ourselves to be selfish before we welcome a new, demanding little person into our home!

(For more photos, click on my Flickr link on the sidebar)

26 weeks

2007-01-01T19:04:00.000-08:00

25 weeks

2006-12-28T15:59:00.000-08:00

yes... I do have a towel on my head.

24 weeks

2006-12-18T16:37:00.000-08:00

I don't really like this bottom photo. But I'm too lazy to take another one!

Today Justin and I SAW my belly move. It's the weirdest thing! But very cool.

23 weeks

2006-12-11T20:21:00.000-08:00

Spot the Button!

2006-12-11T20:15:00.000-08:00

where o where did my little belly button go.....

(that's a cat ear and whiskers at the side, in case you were wondering)

Note: my appendix scar (far left) seems to be doing okay so far. No pain, but it's a little pinkish-looking compared to its normal white.

22 weeks

2006-12-03T18:31:00.000-08:00

Update: last Sunday, Justin felt the baby move for the first time!

21 weeks

2006-11-26T06:19:00.000-08:00

20 weeks

2006-11-20T19:10:00.000-08:00

Halfway!

2006-11-18T07:28:00.000-08:00

So here I am at 20 weeks, and baby is half-brewed. I feel like I need to say something profound to mark this occasion, but all I can think of is the cliched "time has flown, but I feel like I've been pregnant forever." It's funny how a pre-set length of time does that to a person.

To sum up my pregnancy so far, I'd have to say that I really can't complain. Yes, I have a few aches and pains, and some small things get sacrificed, but I'm glad that I can truly enjoy being pregnant and don't have my head perma-stuck in a toilet or a face full of acne. I know some women look forward to pregnancy so much and then end up disappointed when it's not what they expected. I feel blessed that I am healthy and supported. I love seeing my belly grow and feeling little kicks.

Speaking of support, Justin has been wonderful. He wants the baby to be here now! Some people have asked whether I've had any freak-outs or panic yet about becoming a mother, and I have to honestly say no. But I credit this calmness to Justin, because he has never doubted our ability to do this, or let any of the fears take place of excitement (I know, weird huh?). His calmness is both surprising and comforting, and I hope it continues as we approach April! The only thing he worries about a little is how much pain I'll have to go through in labour. Aw. Well, at least it's a valid concern.

I feel that now I have to get a little more serious about making sure I have everything I'll need for when the baby comes. I want to get everything in order and good to go. Up until now I've just been getting a feel for what's out there and what I need (the trip to register was helpful for that). The things I'm most on the lookout for right now (things I didn't register for) are a good-height dresser (used is fine) to use as a change table, cloth diapers of all kinds (and everything that goes along with cloth diapering), curtains, and a sling carrier (got my eye on a cute one!). Once I get some of these things, I know I'll start feeling more prepared. I also have a wonderful load of stuff, including a crib, coming from my cousin (Hi Steph!). I just have to arrange to get it from Barrie to here.

Justin and I (and many others!) are still convinced that this baby is a girl, but we're not going to find out and we could be 100% wrong. Either way, this baby is going to be mostly comprised of milk, ham/pickle/summer sausage subs, milk, chocolate, milk, bacon, milk, grilled cheese sandwiches and cereal (with milk)! I don't think my cravings have been too strange so far, but I do want what I want when I want it, and it's usually very specific. The strangest craving I had in my head the other day (which I did not act on, by the way) was a simultaneous desire for chili and angel food cake! Do I get points for originality?

Thanks to everyone who checks back for updates and offers encouragement along the way. I love being able to share this crazy experience with you even though most of us are hours apart.

On to the next 20 (hopefully 18-19) weeks!

I like to move it move it...

2006-11-13T14:26:00.000-08:00

This is a little late in making it on here, but a couple weeks ago I felt the the first little movements! I think it was between 17 and 18 weeks, and since then I feel them every day, mostly when I'm sitting.

They feel like bumps/mini-punches/thumps, and sometimes they surprise me so much that I laugh out loud! I love it because it's like a little "hello, I'm here" every now and then.

Still waiting for Justin to be able to feel them from the outside. He's pretty jealous ;)

Oh, and one interesting thing is that when the cats drape their purring bodies over my belly, I seem to get more kicks! They're communicating.

19 weeks

2006-11-12T11:45:00.000-08:00

18 weeks

2006-11-04T17:12:00.000-08:00

Not getting any smaller!

Collecting

2006-10-28T08:33:00.000-07:00

Somebody stop me, I'm having way too much fun! (this is just a portion of the stash)

16 and 17 weeks

2006-10-26T17:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't felt any movement yet....but should be any time now!

The Midwifery Option

2006-10-23T17:46:00.000-07:00

Since I've gotten some questions about using a midwife, I thought I would address the most common questions/myths surrounding the choice I've made. All of the following information is paraphrased from this book (which is amazing and I highly recommend it):

1. To have a midwife, don't you have to choose a homebirth?
No. Midwives in Ontario can attend to you at birth in either a hospital or in your home. They do not pressure you into either decision. However, midwives are the only trained professional that can attend a homebirth.
2. Do women who choose midwives care about the experience more than the baby's safety?
The work of midwives has repeatedly shown to have a positive impact on the mother's physical and emotional health, as well as the baby's. Midwives are also present and focused with the labouring mother throughout the entire birth (not leaving to see other patients) so that they can pay attention and detect any problems early on.
3. Do women who choose midwives not understand the risks involved in birth?
Midwives offer a great deal of information to their clients so that they can make informed choices about everything from the birthplace to medical intervention.
4. Aren't midwives only for women who can handle pain or have easy labours? Don't they refuse to let you have drugs?
Births with a midwife are still painful! While midwives can't eliminate pain, they are fantastic at helping women manage it without medical intervention. Midwives can also arrange for pain relief to be provided if the client requests it, or if it will help a long labour progress.
5. I thought midwives were only for hippies. Will they make you sip herbal tea and chant?
Midwives do advocate for natural remedies and pain management, yet they are also informed about conventional medical approaches and leave it up to the client to follow her own philosophy.
6. Are midwives expensive?
In Ontario, midwifery is covered by our provincial health plan. When I chose my midwife instead of my doctor, the government pays the midwife instead of the doctor.
7. Can you still get tests with a midwife?
Midwives can order a wide range of tests, covering everything likely needed in pregnancy. If a non-routine test is needed, a midwife can arrange for a doctor to order the test.
8. Midwives are less experienced than doctors or nurses though, right?
Prenatal care, labour and delivery, and post-partum care are a midwife's specialty because they are her only area of practice. They are experts in "normal birth" (my own midwife has delivered over 1000 babies!)
9. Do midwives and doctors respect each other?
Some doctors still misunderstand or question the idea of midwifery as a profession, but many doctors are advocates of midwife care and routinely suggest it to their patients (some doctors are clients themselves). Many are colleagues who respect each other's skills.
10. "If I (my sister/my wife/etc.) had a midwife, the baby would have died."
This statement is tricky because it's very personal, but the bottom line is that midwives have skills that allow them to cover a variety of situations, and they also monitor how the birth is progressing so that they can transfer care to a physician if it looks like medical intervention may be needed. For a homebirth, midwives bring most of the equipment you would find at the hospital, including oxygen, drugs that will slow excessive bleeding, and resuscitation equipment for both mother and baby.
11. What if you need to have a c-section?
Canadian studies have shown that midwifery clients are less likely to have a c-section than those who choose a physician-assisted birth. To be fair, the midwives have the odds stacked in their favour because they do not specialize in high-risk clients. If, as the labour progresses, it becomes obvious that a c-section is required, the midwife will transfer care to a physician so that the mother and baby will get the care they need.
12. Do midwives really know how to deal with problems in pregnancy and birth?
Although their specialty is in normal birth, that doesn't mean they are unfamiliar with identifying complications. In Ontario, midwife training is regulated and the standards of care closely monitored. They know their own scope and when to transfer care to a physician.
13. What do you mean they offer post-partum care?
After the baby is born, the midwife will visit you in your home within 24 hours, and for many other days in the first 6 weeks to make sure everything is going well, including breastfeeding.

I'm really excited and comfortable with my decision, as is Justin. I feel supported and well cared for. Everybody has to make their own decisions about what kind of care they will choose, and for me this fits best with what I want and the options I'd like to have. If anyone has any more questions, please ask!

15 weeks

2006-10-23T14:29:00.000-07:00

I'm past 16 weeks now...sorry for the delayed photos!

I'm becoming one of "those" women

2006-10-12T14:25:00.000-07:00

So you know those pregnant ladies who walk around clutching their lower backs as if the weight of their big bellies is going to snap them in half? Yeah, i already feel that way!

My belly isn't huge or heavy yet at all, but the past few days I have been having some significant lower back pain that makes me a) feel really old, b) feel really ridiculous, and c) walk kinda funny.

Hate to imagine what I'll be like 5 months from now!

14 weeks 3 days...yikes!

2006-10-09T18:26:00.000-07:00

I had to post mid-week because the growth is just happening so quickly! I could be the Thanksgiving turkey!

14 weeks

2006-10-06T14:21:00.000-07:00

I went to the midwife on Thursday and got to hear the heartbeat! It was pretty amazing. Everything seems to be going well!

13 weeks - whoa! what happened?

2006-10-02T14:45:00.000-07:00

Moo

2006-10-02T14:36:00.000-07:00

All I drink is milk.
All day, every day.
I think I need to invest in a cow.